Holiday Chaos: A Behavioral Therapist’s Guide to Success

As holiday season approaches, a familiar anxiety settles in for many of the families I work with. While the rest of the world is anticipating festive lights and family gatherings, parents of children with behavioral needs are often bracing for impact.

You have spent months working hard on specific goals—whether it’s communication, emotional regulation, or daily living skills. You finally have a routine that works. Then, the holidays arrive. School breaks, travel, late nights, sugar rushes, and a revolving door of visitors threaten to undo that hard-won progress.

The fear of regression is real, but I want to offer a different perspective. The holidays don’t have to be a choice between festive fun and behavioral structure. With a bit of flexibility and the right strategies, you can maintain your child’s goals without acting like a drill sergeant during family dinner. Here is how we can navigate this season together, keeping your child supported and your sanity intact.

The “Maintenance Mode” Mindset

The biggest mistake I see parents make is trying to maintain the same intensity of therapy or skill acquisition during the holidays as they do during the school year. When the environment changes drastically, our expectations must shift with it.

Think of the holidays as a time for “maintenance” rather than “acquisition.” If your child is learning a complex new skill, it might be okay to press pause on learning the next step and focus simply on not losing the current step.

Redefining Success

Success in December looks different than success in October. During the holidays, a successful day might mean:

• Your child used their words to ask for a break instead of having a meltdown.
• They tolerated sitting at the dinner table for five minutes, even if the goal is usually ten.
• They handled a change in plans with only minor protest.

By lowering the pressure to perfect new skills, you reduce stress for both yourself and your child. This reduction in anxiety often leads to better behavior naturally.

Pre-Game Strategies: Antecedent Interventions

In behavioral therapy, we talk a lot about “antecedent interventions.” This is just a clinical way of saying: What can we do before the behavior happens to prevent it? during the holidays, preparation is your best friend.

Visual Schedules for the Unpredictable

Even if you don’t use visual schedules at home normally, the holidays are the time to print them out. When school is out, the loss of structure can be disorienting.

• The “Soft” Schedule: You don’t need an hour-by-hour breakdown. Create a simple visual that shows the “anchors” of the day: Breakfast, Morning Activity, Lunch, Quiet Time, Dinner, Bed.
• Social Stories: If you are traveling or visiting relatives, use pictures to show your child exactly what to expect. Who will be there? Where will they sleep? What can they do if they feel overwhelmed?

Priming

“Priming” involves letting your child know what to expect before it happens. Before you walk into Grandma’s house, review the expectations. “We are going inside. We will say hi to Grandma. Then you can play with your iPad for 10 minutes.”

Adapting Goals to Holiday Scenarios

You don’t have to abandon your behavior plan; you just need to camouflage it. Many behavioral goals can be practiced naturally during holiday activities.

Goal: Following multi-step directions.

• Holiday adaption: Baking cookies. “First pour the chips, then mix the dough.” Wrapping gifts is also excellent for sequencing and following instructions.

Goal: Social skills and turn-taking.

• Holiday adaption: Board games with cousins are a natural setting for this. However, facilitate the interaction. Don’t just send them off to play; supervise and praise appropriate turn-taking immediately.

Goal: Tolerance and waiting.

• Holiday adaption: Waiting to open presents is the ultimate test of patience. Use a visual timer so the child knows exactly how long they have to wait.

Reinforcement: Catching Them Being Good

When routines crumble, reinforcement needs to ramp up. The behavior you focus on is the behavior you will see more of. Amidst the chaos of yelling cousins and burning turkeys, it is easy to only pay attention to your child when they are misbehaving.

Flip the script. You need to be a detective for good behavior.

The Premack Principle (Grandma’s Rule)

This is a staple in behavioral therapy because it works. The formula is simple: First [Task], Then [Reward].

• “First put on your coat, then you get the candy cane.”
• “First say hello to Uncle Bob, then you can go to the quiet room.”

This structure provides predictability and motivation. It clarifies that the fun thing is contingent on the necessary thing.

Portable Reinforcement Systems

If you use a token board or a sticker chart at home, bring a travel version. If that feels too cumbersome, use a “behavior specific praise” model. Instead of just saying “good job,” be specific:

• “I love how you kept your hands to yourself when your cousin took that toy.”
• “Great job using your quiet voice inside.”

Social praise is powerful, but during high-stress times, you may need stronger reinforcers. Have a stash of small, preferred items (special snacks, small fidgets) that are only available during challenging holiday moments.

Handling the “Helpful” Relatives

Sometimes, the hardest behavior to manage during the holidays isn’t your child’s—it’s your family’s. You might have relatives who think your child “just needs discipline” or who try to undermine your behavior plan by sneaking treats or changing rules.

Advocate Early

Send a text or email before the gathering. “Hey everyone, we are working really hard on [Skill]. To help [Child’s Name] succeed, we are sticking to this routine. We appreciate you following our lead on this.”

The Designated Safe Space

Establish a physical space where your child can go to decompress. This is not a time-out corner; it is a sanctuary. If the sensory input becomes too much, your child needs to know there is an exit strategy. This prevents meltdowns before they start.

Frequently Asked Questions

My child’s screen time limits go out the window during travel. Is this damaging their progress?

In the short term, no. Survival mode is acceptable during long car rides or flights. The key is clearly defining when the “free for all” ends. Use a visual timer to show when the vacation rules end and the home rules begin. Do not guilt yourself for using tools that keep your child regulated during transit.

We experienced a major regression in potty training/sleeping over the break. What should I do?

Regressions during periods of high stress and disrupted routine are incredibly common. Do not panic. Once you return to your normal environment, re-implement your original training protocol with high consistency. Most children bounce back to their baseline quickly once the routine is restored.

How do I handle sugar overload affecting behavior?

Dietary changes can impact behavior for some children. Focus on “pairing.” If they are having a sugary treat, pair it with a protein to mitigate the crash. Also, use the treats as part of your reinforcement system rather than providing free access.

A Season of Grace

Navigating the holidays with a child who has behavioral needs is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be moments where the plan falls apart. There will be moments where you give in to the iPad or the extra cookie just to get five minutes of peace.

That is okay.

As a therapist, I give you full permission to prioritize connection over compliance this season. If you miss a few data points but make a happy memory, you have won. Be kind to yourself, keep your expectations realistic, and remember that January—and it’s beautiful, boring routine—is right around the corner.